|
|
innocence, it don't come easy..
|
|
|
| there's no question. |
[14 Jul 2009|11:33am] |
hands down
i'm too proud for love
but with eyes shut
it's you i'm thinking of
but how we move from A to B?
it can't be up to me
'cause you don't know
eye to eye
thigh to thigh
i let go
i think i'm..
a little bit, a little bit
a little bit in love with you
but only if you're
a little but, a little bit, a little bit
in love with me
oh
and for you i keep my legs apart
and forget about my tainted heart
and i will never ever be the first
to say it
but still I,
yes you know I..
i would do it,
push a button
pull a trigger,
climb a mountain
jump off a cliff,
'cause you know baby
i love you love you a little bit
i would do it, i would say it
i would mean it, we could do it
it was you and i and if only i..
i think i'm
a little bit, a little bit
a little bit in love with you
but only if you're
a little but, a little bit, little bit
in love with me
come here, stay with me
stroke me by the hair
'cause i would give anything, anything
to have you as my man
a little bit, a little bit
a little bit in love with you
but only if you're
a little but, a little bit, little bit
in love with me.
|
|
| but ive ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya. |
[08 May 2009|09:51am] |
There's blood in my mouth 'cause I've been biting my tongue all week
I keep on talkin' trash but I never say anything
And the talkin' leads to touchin'
and the touchin' leads to sex
and then there is no mystery left
And It's bad news
Baby I'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news
I know I'm alone if I'm with or without you
but just bein' around you offers me another form of relief
When the loneliness leads to bad dreams
and the bad dreams lead me to callin' you
and I call you and say "c'mere!"
And it's bad news
Baby I'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news
And it's bad news
Baby it's bad news
It's just bad news, bad news, bad news
'Cause you're just damage control
for a walking corpse like me - like you
'Cause we'll all be
Portions for foxes
Yeah we'll all be
Portions for foxes
There's a pretty young thing in front of you
and she's real pretty and she's real into you
and then she's sleepin' inside of you
and the talkin' leads to touchin'
then touchin' leads to sex
and then there is no mystery left
And it's bad news
I don't blame you
I do the same thing
I get lonely too
And you're bad news
My friends tell me to leave you
That you're bad news, bad news, bad news
That you're bad news
Baby you're bad news
and you're bad news
Baby you're bad news
and you're bad news
I don't care I like you
and you're bad news
I don't care I like you
I like you
|
|
| cause fate works both ways. |
[07 Apr 2009|02:21am] |
lead on
to keep our feelings strong
and make me still believe
our page is one and the same
our ways will separate tonight
you say if we were to wait
some things just might be changed
I say that I dont have the strength
to fuel a burning flame
speak to me
what can I say, we just live too far away
that's a shame that love can make you stay
sweet thing
I hope that you know I'm wondering where you are
You say this could work someday
when you and I both know this is the end
Leave me the way it has to be
excuse my poor excuse
tell me that insecurities
are what drove me to you
and everyday I compare your face
from sweet beginnings to your bitter end
sweet thing
I hope that you know I'm wondering where you are
You say this could work someday
when you and I both know this is the end
Let me let go
sweet thing
I hope that you know I'm wondering where you are
You say this could work someday
when you and I both know this is the end
|
|
| put on your pretty lies. you're in a city of wonder. |
[04 Apr 2009|10:22pm] |
some guy tried to rub up against me
in a crowded subway car
some guy tried to feed me some stupid line
in some stupid bar
I see the same shit everyday
the landscape looks so bleak
I think I'll take the first one of you's home
that does something unique
some chick says
thank you for saying all the things I never do
I say
the thanks I get is to take all the shit for you
it's nice that you listen
it'd be nicer if you joined in
as long as you play their game girl
you're never going to win
today I just want someone to entertain me
I'm tired of being so fierce
I'm tired of being so friendly
you don't have to be a supermodel
to do the animal thing
you don't have to be a supergenius
to open your face up and sing
somebody do something
anything soon
I know I can't be the only
whatever I am in the room
so why am I so lonely?
why am I so tired?
I need company
I need backup
I need to be inspired
|
|
| ..light my candle |
[29 Nov 2008|11:44pm] |
i forgot for a while what it was like to feel.
i'm ready to turn it off again.
switch?
|
|
|
[13 Jan 2007|10:57am] |
congratulations. my first regret. well done, mister, well done.
this love that leaves so fast is love that comes so easily.
this love that leaves so fast is love that fools so easily.
done.
|
|
| ..real post. you dont say. |
[30 Dec 2006|05:15pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
temper, temper. |
] |
..where do i begin? i haven't felt this broken in a long time.
actually. i'm not sure i've ever felt this broken. i've been like this for a while, but getting my heart broken is just adding insult to injury and its, well, a whole new world of aching. for starters. i want to hate you. i want to be so angry. i want to call you dramatic and a child, and sincerly i wish i could just tell you to suck it up because i normally wouldn't and don't believe in any of what you're feeding me. yet, here i am. hopeless. a pathetic vunerable fucking sap. i didn't ever believe that you could fall in love like this. that i was even capable. so fast. so soon. and so completely. its scary. and i hate it. why do you make me want to help you? theres a select number of people i would ever deal with rollercoasters and this much heartache for and none of them i have ever cared about romantically. i can barely grasp the concept nevertheless act on it. i don't like broken people. i don't date them. i do my best not to even surround myself in people like that. and i certainly don't fall in love with them. you defy all the things i've believed in. all my ways, my actions that i've been set on for a good portion of my life. or maybe you don't. minus our current situation, maybe you are my fairy tale? am i too broken to accept it? to accept you?
i've felt things in the past month that i didn't think were real, and some that i thought i wouldn't feel again. especially not now. you forget that you came as a shock to me too. and you're right. this is different. this is well beyond different and new for me. and i want to call you a selfish asshole. and say that once again, my theory has proven true. because yes, what i thought would happen, did. and all my hopes for us were inaccurate. and yes, you probably have ruined my image of nice guys. but more than any of that i want desperately to wake up from all of this and either have you be there or have this entire thing just been a figment of my imagination. i feel like a piece of me is missing. its sick. its disgusting. and i hate myself for caring so much. and for being so weak. i hate the mental battles that you, just by being around, cause me. you make me love the stupid things about myself that i've never liked, and are quickly making me hate everything about how i look at life.
but i can't change it. and it makes me tired. it's so exhausting strategizing all the time. it wears me out just to think of you. because im incapable of thinking of just one happy thought without following it up with either a reason why i shouldnt be happy about it or how pathetic and lame it is or i just find a quick way on how its going to go wrong, and force myself not to rely on it. i want to show you how destroyed i am over all of this, but i can't. emotionally. physically. unable. i want to cry in front of you. and make you realize this is crushing me more than you think. you know im tough. and yes, thats not a bad thing. too much of a good thing is still too much. wake up, its just an exterior. you say you can't be alone in your head..i can't be involved with people with mine. granted, it hasn't been too much of an issue until this point. i was seriously hoping this rant would release something inside me that been making me feel so hollow lately. so self destructive. but it's done nothing but make me even more upset about my circumstances as of late. i just wish you could know or hear the battles in my head, just for even an hour. i want to stop talking to you. because somehow i think thatll be better for your sanity, and probably mine as well. but damnit im selfish. i do want to fight for you. there are even somedays ill work up the courage to express myself to you in a non letter format, but i always fall apart just before im about to because i talk myself out of the inevitable failure and the even more inevitable heartbreak. why prolong that?
i don't want to be this tough anymore.
so i read my horoscopes in two different papers on the day we ended.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
"Your heart wants what it wants, and it won't give up. There's no escaping! Even when you dream, you're conscious that you're dreaming. Take serious steps to appease your heart."
"You may feel as if you've been pushed to your limit but now it not the time to let things get to you. Change is good. You thrive on it, so let the past go and prepare yourself for an adventure."
I want the first. My heart does, even though it won't get me all too far.
The logical choice is the second.
You tell me, mister. You tell me.
-Jamie
|
|
| spin me round again and rub my eyes...this can't be happening.. |
[20 Dec 2006|09:51am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
..music of the moment. |
] |
Alright, that's it, I've had enough, I'm on my way to you
It's nauseating and I'm sick of waiting
For all these pointless calls to go through
But no, I'm not a skeptic anymore
At last I see what all of this ridiculous hard work is for
The moisture in the air is begging for release
And the memory of your stare is raining down on me
Hypothetically if you were point A
And theoretically if I was point B,
We would be, we would be frantically melting
Into one massive point
That could overcome anything
Constantly you're working through the mileage in my head
Oh, I'm calculating, yes I'm sick of waiting
How many hours until I reach your bed?
But no, I'm not a skeptic anymore
At last I see what all of this ridiculous hard work is for
The moisture in the air is begging for release
And the memory of your stare is raining down on me
Hypothetically if you were point A
And theoretically if I was point B,
We would be, we would be frantically melting
Into one massive point
That could overcome anything
My faith in you could move these mountains I am driving through
It's times like these when I wish I could teleport to you
'cause then we wouldn't have an issue
We're cleverly, strategically
Challenging our fright and insecurities,
And never seem to want to leave
Hypothetically if you were point A
And theoretically if I was point B,
We would be, we would be frantically melting
Into one massive point
That could overcome anything
Yeah, we would be, we would be frantically melting
Into one massive point
That could overcome anything
|
|
| apply this to the month of june. |
[10 Dec 2006|11:09am] |
I used to know you like the back of my hand
Until today you held your place
Now you're shifting like the sand
Your chest would heave with pride if I were spoken of
'Till tonight I never knew the difference between comfort and love
Although you're sleeping right next to me
Well, it feels like you are wide awake in a distant dream
leading a life that is finally free
of these endless nights and countless fights that turn us into
who we hate to be
This is so difficult for the both of us
I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us
Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -
nothing will ever be the same
I used to hold you like it's all that I had
Now begins the falling out, we are like a passing fad
Your mouth would crack a smile if I were spoken of
'Till tonight you never thought
you'd lose this epic battle with love
Although you're sleeping right next to me
Well, it feels like you are wide awake in a distant dream
leading a life that is finally free
of these endless nights and countless fights that turn us into
who we hate to be
And this is so difficult for the both of us
I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us
Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -
nothing will ever be the same
For what it's worth, I've always admired you
I always thought that we could make it through
Now look what time can do
It took our masterpiece we built and broke it in two
I always believed in you
I always loved you
And this is so difficult for the both of us
I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us
Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -
nothing will ever be the same
|
|
| it breaks my heart. |
[09 Dec 2006|11:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
And suppose I never met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall
All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better
I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music
Breaks my
Heart
Breaks my heart
|
|
| i'm just a mess he don't want to clean up. |
[08 Dec 2006|10:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
shake it up. |
] |
I've been jumping from the tops of buildings.
For the thrill of the fall.
Ignoring sound advice.
And any thought of consequence.
My bones are shattered.
My pride is shattered.
And in the midst of this self-inflicted pain.
I can see my beautiful rescue.
I'm falling more in love.
With every single word I withhold.
I'm falling more in love.
With every single word you say.
I'm falling head-over-heels for you.
I've been dancing on the tops of buildings.
At the top of my lungs I'm singing you a song.
Don't you leave me alone.
My bones were shattered.
My pride lays shattered.
Well I'll trample my pride and tell the whole world.
To dance with me.
I'm falling more in love.
With every single word I withhold.
I'm falling more in love.
With every single word you say.
I'm falling head-over-heels for you again.
I'm crying out.
"Wash my hands, these bloody hands Lord. Open my mouth and I'll sing."
I'm falling more in love.
With every single word I withhold.
I'm falling more in love.
With every single word you say.
I'm falling head-over-heels for you.
I've been dancing on the tops of buildings.
With you.
|
|
| Love me faster than the devil |
[04 Dec 2006|10:13am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 rejuvenated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
you are my sweetest downfall.. |
] |
I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
|
|
| history books forgot about us.. |
[29 Nov 2006|10:30am] |
Thought I'd cry for you forever
But I couldn't so I didn't
People's children die and they don't even cry forever
Thought I'd see your face in my mind for all time
But I don't even remember what your ears looked like
And the clock still strikes midnight and noon
And the sun still rises and so does the moon
Birds still migrate south and people move on
Even though I'm no longer in your arms
Thought the mountain would crumble
And the rivers would bend
But I thought all wrong and the world did not end
Guess the maps will just have to stay the same for a while
Didn't even need therapy to rehabilitate my smile
Rehabilitate my smile
Thought I'd cry for you forever
But I couldn't so I didn't...
|
|
|
[27 Nov 2006|02:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Loafy - Never Again |
] |
I've got problems rolling off of my fingertips.
I've got the weight of the world left on both my lips.
Stop tempting, tempting me, tempting tempting tempting me with your collarbones and church hall bangin' dance floor hips.
You've got a turnaround smile like a turnstile.
Build me up, tear me down, watch me burn for awhile.
You're getting, getting me, getting getting me s-so easily with irony and lyrical miles.
Everybody takes a step towards the city
When they find out what they want, but they know they'll never get it
I get what I want, but did I get what I needed?
A big love, yeah - that'd be enough.
You say you're "history" - well, baby - history sure misses me.
I'm terribly concerned with the conception of you kissing me.
You're talking, talking big, talking talking big, but we both know it's a terrible idea to be missed.
So take me on down to the big towns.
We'll dress like our dreams, like we know this sound.
Cause you, and me, we're bringing us down,
We're making problems out of being around.
Everybody takes a step towards the city
When they find out what they want, but they know they'll never get it
I get what I want, but did I get what I needed?
Did I get what I needed?
What you needed was for me to believe.
Everybody takes a step towards the city
When they find out what they want, but they know they'll never get it
I get what I want, but did I get what I needed?
|
|
| got a bowling ball in my stomach...a desert in my mouth. |
[13 Nov 2006|01:48pm] |
Sit on a train, reading a book
Same damn planet every time I look
Try to relax and slow my heartbeat
Only works when I'm dead asleep
Been thinking and drinking all over the town
Must be gearing up for some kind of meltdown
All I am is, a body floating downwind,
All I am is, a body floating downwind
-What's wrong?
-Nothing
-Are you sure nothing's wrong?
-Yeah
-But you're sad about something?
-Yeah
-So tell me what
-I don't know,
I can't tell you, I can't tell you, I can't tell you, I can't tell you
All I am is, a body floating downwind
All I am is, a body floating downwind
Sit on a train, reading a book
Same damn planet every time I look
Try to relax and slow my heartbeat
Only works when I'm dead asleep
Been thinking and drinking all over the town
Must be gearing up for some kind of meltdown
As the express train passes the local
It moves by just like a paper boat
Although it weighs a million pounds
I swear it almost seems to float
And as we pass by each other
Our heads all full of bother
We can't look, we can't stop
We can't think, we can't stop
Because we're stuck in our own paths
And it's the way it always lasts
But I need something more from you
All I am is, a body floating downwind
All I am is, a body floating downwind
floating downwind....
|
|
| satellite night is how it all starts.. |
[05 Nov 2006|11:42pm] |
She flips through the pages of her
fashion magazine
It pulls her out of her reality for a
moment,
We all need our moments
She forgets for a
couple of seconds about the hopeless
situation
As the
plane that seems to take all of the focus
Riding that
afternoon plane from Dallas back to Minneappolis
Two and a
half hours, she's out there
Reading some column about
Spit versus Swallow
Everything reminds her of him,
And
it's not fair
How could she fall on her face for
some man-child?
Maybe it's his voice, or maybe
it's his damn smile
Maybe it's the whole package,
From the kiss to the mattress,
To the sarcastic
jokes, to the social status
Maybe it's none of the
above
Maybe she only needed somebody genuine to show her
love
It was all about the right place at the right time
And even with the drama they find that
He's still
always on her mind
Well, nonetheless than two hours
before she lands
To put her feet on the ground and take her
man by the hand
And this time around when the laugh starts
to sting,
She'll just take a breath and dig into
that
fashion magazine
|
|
| i hope you don't mind that i wrote down in words.. |
[06 Sep 2006|12:22am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
i just can't wait to be kind. |
] |
i don't often post in this. not usually the time, energy, and i'm fairly certain due to lack of updates that i have lost most of the readers. on that note, life has been interestng lately. stressful. fun. overall just new. its been sometime since i've vented here.
albany is getting so much better. spending everyday with elle has seriously been heaven. i was worried her and i would drive each other mad, but its been the exact opposite. shes been my sanity, my calm. probably would have lost my mind by now. school hasn't really stressed me too much yet, other than my last minute homework ways. thats normal i guess.
when i startd this entry i really had so much to write about, so much to just clear out of my head. maybe just the attempt at organizing these thoughts helped. i dn't really know. im in an unusual situation. which in some ways really makes me happy, but in a lot of ways makes me so nervous and really uncomfortable. its a situation i've never been in before, feelings ive never felt, and just overall not sure what to make of it. im attempting just go with the flow, but my oh my, its just alot of deal with. thankfully i have people in my life that i can confide in. im pretty much crossing my fingers and hoping for the best on this one, but i don't know, i'm filled with so much anxeity, just thinking about it makes my stomach turn. then at other points im really happy, nervous, but happy. i just really hope this all resovles into one feeling,no matter which sides that feeling might be on..
on the other hand, bren came up for what turned into a whole weekend. her and i have gotten alot closer. it was really really great to have her here. we get along amazingly well. she's decided to move here. which makes life so much sweeter. the one weekend her, elle, and i were all together was simply..well, perfect (if only min were here too). thats a really big plus to life. bren and i are planning another big move in january, which is causing much stress, much research, and retarded amounts of planning. will be worth it in the end.
i miss tricia..alot. i know i pretty much screwed things up between her and i. i need to email her. i really want to email her. but honestly, theres not an excuse in the world for what i did. it was just down right fucked up. not sure theres even a way i could begin to apologize to her. but once i grow some balls (in the most fem way possible) i'll give it a shot. if not only to let her know that i am sorry. not sure theres much hope for friendship, or trust, or anything, but i do so hope that maybe one day we'll talk again. i miss her so much.
instead of the paragraph that was there let me say that one of the situations above fixed itself like crazy last night...those of you that know me..well i always pick the winner don't i?! hahaha i love you folks. breennnnnnnnaaa come home!!!
goodnight.
|
|
| post |
[04 Sep 2006|01:35am] |
|
|
| all-ban-knee |
[13 Mar 2006|12:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ben Harper - Walk Away |
] |
just sitting here at my hopefully future school.
ben harper = god.
just got my hair braided by a fabulous gentleman.
i love my best friend elle more than words.
life is good.
|
|
|
[04 Mar 2006|05:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
my ears ringing. |
] |
So, I met Kevin Nealon today.
|
|
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